A wife or a prostitute?

Here we are at the beginning of a new week and a new month. As we discussed in the previous blog, relationships are no easy matter, but what is even more interesting is how similar we all truly are! When we are able to step back and look at the big picture, we attain new found wisdom and perspective. We are all in this race to live a financially comfortable life, but most importantly, we are all seeking that one person who we can share it with. Think about it, at the end of the day, if you have all the riches and toys in the world, but no one to share it with, is it really worth it? I believe that this is the reason why prostitution is "the oldest profession in the world." Not that I am condoning it by any means, but basically the purpose for paying for that companion is to have them make us feel like we are the most important and valuable person in the world, while obtaining sexual satisfaction with no boundaries, right??!

Many men have succeeded financially in life and what they now search for is someone to satisfy them without reservation. What we, as women forget, is that the male species is not as complex as we sometimes make them out to be (men, you are free to disagree). They function with purpose: to provide and to have sex. Societal pressures create the expectation to succeed, yet, they are not taught to ask for what they need sexually or emotionally. As women, we see a man that is well put on the outside, successful, "in control" and we assume that they have the whole relationship "business" taken care of. Well, lest not assume that this is the case girls!... sorry guys... in my experience as a therapist, men seem to be afraid to voice to their babes what they need.... they may walk around sexually frustrated because their girl just does not cut it sexually and this is what leads to problems... many problems! So, now that the cat is out of the hat, lets see what we can do about this "little" dichotomy:

I'm going to start with what us girlies can do:

1. Chicas, we need to become more in tuned with our sensuality, better yet, our sexuality. We need to start looking at sex, not as something that we need to do for our man to keep him from straying. We need to, instead, fall in love with ourselves and our bodies. "How do we do that?" you may ask. First, we need to forget everything that you were taught as a young girl about sex. Sooo many of us were made to feel bad and inadequate about our sexuality. Very often we were told that being sexual was wrong and deserved shameful feelings. Perhaps as a child, this is OK , because the last thing we needed to do was attract men sexually. But as time went on and we matured as women, we also needed evolve as sexual beings. Unfortunately, many of us stayed with the old tapes: SEX IS SHAMEFUL. Well, senoritas, I am here to free you of those "old tapes" and to give you permission to free the sexual kitten that has been in hibernation inside of you!. I urge you to stand in front of a mirror RIGHT NOW look at yourself with sensual colored glasses. You are free to love your body, your temple, as a sensual machine filled with pleasure. No matter how small, tall, thin, fat, green, black, you are, you were born to enjoy sex!!! Not for Tim., or Tom or Carlos or Max. NO SENOR, you will enjoy it for YOU and most importantly: FOR YOU... lol, I know I am being repetitious, but you need to hear it more and more and more and more... If you don't know yet what is most pleasurable to you, then you have some work to do! EXPLORE, EXPLORE, EXPLORE. If you don't know what brings you to climax or what arouses you, what makes you think that your man will know???!! That is an unfair expectation. Jesus! Men are not equipped with a sixth sense guiding them to your pleasure spots! YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM WHAT FEELS GOOD. Give the man some guidance please!!

Now boys, here we go, it's your turn:

Do you really want satisfying an explosive sex with your girl? Can you imagine if you went to work every day sexually satisfied? Can you imagine how freakin productive you would be if your mind was not always wondering around looking at this girls ass, or this chic's breasts? I will cover two things today, one is communication of your needs, the other is how your lack of satisfaction affects your babe....

So I have many male friends who are either married and in a relationship and most of them have issues with their wives or girlfriends also being their "whore." They have a preconceived notion that they may lose respect for their girl if they see her in the same light they may see a stripper or a prostitute. Again, this all goes back to our upbringing, some men almost want their partner to be their "mother figure," one that meets their basic needs (food, companionship, a partner to tackle their daily issues with). However, when it comes to sex, many men have difficulty merging their sexual desires with the desire of companionship. Well dudes, I am here to free you of that old belief! Your girl can be your "mom" your business partner, your whore, your nurse, your ________.

IT is OK to build a relationship around a healthy sex life! As a matter of fact, it is ESSENTIAL to do this! You have to let go of the shame of wanting heart throbbing, hair pulling sex. It does not make you a bad person. It does not take away from your "persona." The more you try to run away from this part of you, the less likely that you will have a healthy sexual relationship. Not being open about your sexual desires will bring about dysfunctional relationships. You will stray, you will look for it elsewhere and the guilt will eat you up inside. NOT A HEALTHY WAY TO LIVE, IS IT??!! I give you permission to accept this part of you and to be open about it in your relationship. Of course, don't run out and grab your babe's hair and start smacking her ass without prior notice if you've never done this before! HAA HAA... you can always blame it on me. But this is where communication comes in. You can always tell her that you want her to be your everything (girls love that!).

Many couples think that they can't talk about sex, they just show up and awkwardly have "it." I am sooo much for talking about what we like in bed! As a matter of fact, talking about sex can be your new form of foreplay... OK, at first, you can text her something dirty, like "I can't wait to get home tonight and lick your whole body from head to toe and then ask you what you want before I tell you what I want." Your girl will be anticipating this all day, trust me! IT IS ALL A DANCE, YOU MAKE A MOVE, SHE MAKES A MOVE. If you find resistance, it is important for you to express to her the importance of sexual satisfaction... this brings me to my next point... your sexual dissatisfaction affects us girls TO NO END! It is all inter-connected. We know when you are not happy and we resent you for it. We may not know why you're not satisfied, but we certainly feel it. This is your chance to communicate your needs. If talking at first is too awkward, you can also send an email or a text with some of your thoughts. As women, we are used to talking things to DEATH, lol, and even if it feels a bit awkward at first, it is all important stuff that needs to be discussed.

Walking around with at hard on does not help anyone (or blue balls for that matter lol). You must free yourself of frustrations and you deserve to be heard in the bedroom. Besides being a physical encounter, it can become a deep connection, one that the two of you can share privately. One that will separate you from the rest of the world and create a stronger bond than you ever thought possible.

Well amigos, you've got some barriers to brake down! Get your jackhammer out and start pounding it! (Oopss that sounded dirty lol).

Till next time!